Word count: 3,783
Pairing: Jonghyun/Taemin (SHINee)
Summary: Jonghyun and Taemin had an arrangement between them, but an unexpected incident threatened to unravel everything.
Some things are difficult to explain. One of them was how Taemin was more beautiful than anyone Jonghyun knew, guy or girl. Another was how Jonghyun and Taemin, back when they were a little younger, ended up piled on top of one another at their empty dorm, mouths fused and limbs entwined.
They were both bored and perhaps more than a bit horny, and it all began with a harmlessly inane ‘my body is better than yours’ argument, because they’d already established that they were each clear winners in the singing and dancing category respectively.
“Mine is absolutely better,” Jonghyun said. “You’re too skinny.”
“I can put on some weight.”
“You have no muscle definition.”
“I just haven’t been training enough.”
“You sound very confident for a no-muscle kid.”
“At least I’m taller than you. Have been since I was fifteen.”
Jonghyun’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be?”
Taemin grinned impishly. “You just can’t deny that, can you?”
“Okay, that’s it.”
Thus ensued a wrestling match in which they alternately pinned each other down, first on the sofa and then on the living room floor. Jonghyun lost track of when they stopped giggling and started rubbing against each other like a couple of animals in heat. And then kissing became part of the equation, because their lips were no more than a hair’s breadth apart and meeting in the middle was so simple, so easy.
It dawned on Jonghyun that he should probably act a little more maturely, being the older of the two, so although it felt so good (that friction, for goodness’ sake), he grabbed Taemin by the shoulders to still him. “Wait a sec.”
Taemin was on top by then, and Jonghyun thought that slender would be the better word to describe Taemin’s body instead of skinny. Slender and supple. Taemin’s round eyes were anxious, and Jonghyun smiled a little to reassure him. “We need to talk about this first.”
“You’re right,” Taemin agreed instantly. “It would be weird... I mean, being in the same group and everything.”
“Not if we put certain rules in place.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean keeping it strictly physical. Casual. I have needs, you have needs, and we can fulfill each other’s. For stress relief, no strings attached, and all that.”
Taemin nodded slowly, apparently giving it some thought. He shifted slightly and unwittingly rubbed against Jonghyun’s groin some more. In an attempt not to moan out loud, Jonghyun asked, “Have you done this before?”
“Something like this...” Taemin’s cheeks were aflame. “Not much, though.”
“Second base? Third base?”
Taemin opened his mouth and closed it again, and Jonghyun patted his shoulder. “It’s all right. We’ll cover our bases first.”
The first time they had sex, Taemin cried. Jonghyun felt so guilty afterward, berating himself for getting carried away and forgetting that this, after all, was new to Taemin. He’d been so intoxicated by lust he’d failed to notice the way Taemin had winced in pain with every harsh thrust into his body. It wasn’t after Jonghyun had come and the haze had cleared from his head that he saw the tears rolling down Taemin’s face, the bottom lip swollen after Taemin gnawed on it to keep from shouting.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the top of Taemin’s head, fingers making soothing circles on Taemin’s back as the younger’s damp cheek was pressed against his chest.
“It’s okay,” Taemin said, in a less than convincing croak that made Jonghyun feel even more apologetic. He brought Taemin’s hand to his lips, pressed a soft kiss to the knuckles.
“It’ll feel better next time,” he promised, making a mental note to be gentler to Taemin, be more careful, use more lube. If there was a next time, he thought wryly. Taemin might decide this wasn’t worth the discomfort.
But there indeed was a next time. And the next one, and the next after that. Jonghyun made sure they had ample preparations each time, and Taemin seemed to begin to find enjoyment in their couplings.
Just as he was at work, Taemin was very eager to learn. “Show me, hyung,” was a favorite phrase of his. And so Jonghyun showed him. Positions, techniques, how to prolong pleasure, how to ensure satisfaction for them both. How to have fun. They had a lot of fun together.
“This is so much fun,” Taemin said one day, sitting on a chair with his legs spread and Jonghyun kneeling in front of him.
Jonghyun smirked as he undid Taemin’s belt with swift movements. “Fun for you, I’m sure.”
Taemin tilted his head back, the tip of his tongue peeking from parted lips in that seductive way that Jonghyun liked best. Taemin still had his stage make up on, and the heavy eyeliner framing his half-lidded eyes made his stare all the more intense.
“Oh yes,” he purred as he nudged Jonghyun’s head down between his thighs. “Definitely.”
Jonghyun went nuts over the visual concept for Taemin’s solo album.
“There were bubbles, for crying out loud,” he said. He was leaning against the headboard in the messed up bed, watching Taemin dress. “And nipples. And you lying shirtless in the bushes like you’d just been ravished...”
“Since when do you use the word ‘ravished’?” asked Taemin, putting on a t-shirt.
“A songwriter needs to have a wide vocabulary. Anyway, your pants were hanging so low I was surprised I didn’t get a glimpse of your ass crack.”
Taemin snorted. “As if the company would let people see my ass crack.”
“I like the little belt you wore around your thigh, though. Looks like a garter. Oh, and the nose piercing thing was hot. But what’s with the bubbles? Are the bubbles supposed to signify something here?”
“Stop obsessing about the bubbles.”
“What about the nipples, then, can I obsess about the nipples?”
“Shut up.” Taemin was facing the mirror, his back to Jonghyun, but the older man could see his reflection breaking into a smile. Jonghyun rose from the bed and wrapped his arms around Taemin’s waist, hot breath whispering into his ear, “Don’t go yet.”
“I have rehearsals, hyung,” Taemin whined.
“Just a little while longer.” One hand reached up to Taemin’s chest, lightly pinching a nipple. “I want to ravish you.”
Their gazes met in the mirror, and Taemin’s expression was not one of refusal. He tipped his head back in invitation, and Jonghyun wasted no time before sucking a hickey onto his neck.
Sometimes, right in the middle of having sex, Taemin wondered if there was something more to this long-standing arrangement. More than their shared enjoyment, the reprieve from their hectic schedules, or the thrill of finding hidden places where they could give and take pleasure as they liked.
Jonghyun was fucking him right there, standing in front of the mirror, Taemin’s hands gripping the edge of the dresser. “I want to watch you come undone,” was what Jonghyun had said, like a man who knew perfectly what he was capable of doing to Taemin, knew the power he wielded over the younger man.
As Taemin let a torrent of sensations flood through his body, he wondered if there was supposed to be a deeper meaning buried somewhere under the layers of ecstasy. He felt he could probably reach for it if he tried, but right now he was too caught up in the moment, in the man behind him and inside him and all around him.
If someone were to ask Jonghyun when or how the change began, he would probably pin it down to the mere trace of annoyance, the faint pinprick of irritation that flared within him whenever Taemin said no to spending time with him in favor of hanging out with his friends. Jonghyun realized it was silly to feel that way considering the nature of their relationship. Didn’t he come up with the idea himself, of keeping things strictly casual, just for fun?
So he tried to whisk the ridiculous thoughts out of his head, telling himself that he simply had needs, and when Taemin couldn’t fulfill them, he could just seek elsewhere.
But the spark inside him kept growing, and it escalated into a ball of fury which ignited one day at the sight of Taemin together with his very best friend Jongin.
Taemin had brought Jongin to their dorm. It wasn’t something out of the ordinary, but it suddenly seemed to Jonghyun that Taemin was flaunting his friend. The two stuck close together on the sofa playing video games with Minho, and Jongin would touch Taemin on the shoulder, on the knee, whispering something in his ear. When Taemin handed him a drink or a bag of chips Jongin’s hand seemed to linger on Taemin’s.
Jonghyun knew Taemin had been close friends with Jongin for years. And even if they wanted to take things further it was none of Jonghyun’s business.
Had Taemin really taken it to the next level with Jongin?
Was he sleeping with him, with someone who wasn’t Jonghyun?
Jonghyun felt as though someone had set fire to his insides.
Taemin didn’t know what had gotten into Jonghyun recently. The older man had been irritable and behaving brusquely to everyone around him, but most particularly to Taemin. Even the other members could see it.
“Looks like someone hasn’t been getting any lately,” Kibum stage-whispered in the changing room. Jonghyun had just snapped at Taemin for mistakenly taking the jacket he was supposed to be wearing for this photo shoot.
“Jong-ah, it was a simple mistake, calm down,” Jinki said to Jonghyun, who glared at their leader and snatched the jacket Taemin was holding out in front of him. He walked off in a huff to take his turn at getting solo shots taken.
Jonghyun remained foul-tempered all throughout the day, and everybody seemed glad when the day’s activities were over. Jinki was going to head back to the dorm, while Kibum and Minho were going out separately.
“Don’t mind us, we youngsters need to unwind. Old people should get some rest,” Minho said to Jinki, who responded with a playful jab to Minho’s arm.
“What about you, Taemin?” Jinki asked.
“Oh, I’m just gonna take a walk with Jongin for a bit.”
Jonghyun had been loitering around in a corner with a perpetual scowl on his face, ignored by and ignoring everyone. But Taemin didn’t fail to notice the way Jonghyun’s head snapped up and his eyes narrowed at hearing the announcement. What was going on with the guy anyway? Taemin was getting sick of his crankiness lately. Taemin said goodbye to the others, pointedly excluding Jonghyun, before making his exit.
Jonghyun was wide awake, and clearly seething, when Taemin entered their room that night. He was sitting in his bed with arms folded in front of his chest.
“There you are. I was beginning to think you got lost.” The derision was evident in Jonghyun’s voice. Taemin felt his hyung’s stare following him as he crossed the room and dropped his bag beside his bed.
“You two must’ve had a real good time, huh? Strolling around at the Han River?” asked Jonghyun. “Were there any paparazzis again?”
Taemin furrowed his brow and decided not to bother answering, knowing that whatever he said would only rile Jonghyun up further. But this time no answer seemed even worse.
“Did you put your arms around each other for the cameras?” Jonghyun’s voice was laced with venom. “I bet he was all touchy feely with you. You two meet almost every day, but it seems you still can’t get enough of each other.”
Taemin shrugged off his jacket and sighed in exasperation. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, hyung.”
“You know damn well what I’m talking about.” The tone sent a chill down Taemin’s spine.
“You’re being ridiculous,” he said.
“Am I?” Jonghyun got up from his bed and stepped closer to Taemin. “Why do you bother coming home anyway? Why not just spend the night at his place?”
Jonghyun’s face was now only inches from Taemin’s, his dark eyes smoldering with what Taemin unmistakably recognized as anger. “Is he good in bed, Taemin-ah? Does he make you satisfied?”
Taemin’s eyes widened at the accusation. “What the hell, hyung! I’m not sleeping with Jongin.”
Grabbing Taemin’s arm in a firm grip, Jonghyun hissed, “Liar.”
“Why are you even saying these things to me—”
Jonghyun silenced him with a rough kiss that had Taemin gasping, tongue forcing itself inside Taemin’s mouth as Jonghyun’s hand held the back of his head to stop him from pulling back. Taemin yelped as Jonghyun bit down on his lip hard, and Taemin could taste the coppery tang of blood. Jonghyun’s hands roamed everywhere, pulling at Taemin’s shirt until the buttons popped, moving roughly across the taut skin of the younger’s stomach and chest. Callused fingers slipped underneath Taemin’s jeans, sending sparks all over his body.
Deep down Taemin knew this wasn’t right, that Jonghyun was possessed with something and that he shouldn’t go along with it, but he was already getting hard from the way Jonghyun was licking down his throat and rubbing inside his pants, stroking with frantic movements that made his legs turn to jelly. Jonghyun pushed him down forcefully onto his bed, where the rest of his clothes were summarily removed along with Jonghyun’s own.
Jonghyun entered him with no more preparation than a few spit-slicked fingers. The older man maintained a brutal rhythm, slamming back in harshly as soon as he pulled out. Taemin could’ve said no at any time, but they’d been in this together long enough for him to know he could still take it. He was well aware of his own limits by now (and had sometimes asked Jonghyun to push them), and this wasn’t exactly something they hadn’t done before.
Except that Jonghyun’s glazed eyes made it seem like he was far away instead of here, in this intensely charged moment between them. “You shouldn’t—” he murmured vaguely, raking his fingers through Taemin’s hair, “I don’t—”
“Jonghyun,” Taemin moaned, reaching out to cup the other man’s face with both hands, seeking his eyes to find something there — a trace of the old familiar Jonghyun, the person he knew like a brother. The word seemed to make Jonghyun snap back from a reverie, and he stared down at Taemin with an expression akin to confusion.
Taemin didn’t last long from the overstimulation, and Jonghyun followed soon after. Jonghyun’s arms gave out and he slumped on top of Taemin, breathing raggedly against the crook between Taemin’s neck and shoulder.
Taemin started to put his arms around him, but the older man flinched and pulled away, rising to his feet. With his eyes downcast he picked up his discarded clothes from the floor and dashed outside. Taemin heard the door to the bathroom slam closed.
He lay there breathless and coated with sweat, Jonghyun’s musky scent lingering on his skin.
The sound of his name from Taemin’s lips was like a hand pulling him from the depths of a lake, and as Jonghyun surfaced he slowly became conscious of the extent of what he’d done, manhandling Taemin like this. He was embarrassingly aware that he’d intended to punish Taemin somehow, to have Taemin whimpering helplessly in his arms the way only he could, to make Taemin cry like the first time he fucked him.
He looked at the younger man sprawled beneath him. Taemin’s skin was flushed right down to his chest, his lips were bitten raw and his slender hips were marked where Jonghyun had gripped him too hard earlier — they would surely bruise tomorrow.
Jonghyun felt horrible, and when Taemin, instead of pushing him away like he deserved, tried to embrace him, he was almost nauseous with shame. He got up and off the bed and raced to the bathroom where he had a long, cold shower, shivering under the icy water.
Taemin’s body was sore all over the next morning.
Jonghyun didn’t come back to the room, so he must’ve slept on the couch. When Taemin woke up he was already at the table for breakfast. He wouldn’t meet Taemin’s eyes or speak to him at all. It unexpectedly hurt Taemin more than what had happened last night.
The longer Jonghyun waited the harder it was to talk to Taemin about it. They avoided each other as much as they could, which wasn’t easy considering they worked together and lived in the same apartment, sharing the same room. When they exchanged a few words it was always about work or mundane things like turning on the air conditioner or putting out the trash.
“You definitely haven’t been getting any lately,” Kibum said matter-of-factly one day, an eyebrow hitched up at Jonghyun in mockery. The sad thing was Jonghyun couldn’t muster enough enthusiasm to refute him.
Taemin still hung out with Jongin a lot. His favorite Jongin. Who probably treated him better than Jonghyun had. Perhaps that EXO dude was a better fuck buddy after all. Possibly even the better man, as much as Jonghyun loathed the thought.
Taemin hadn’t received a KakaoTalk chat message from Jonghyun in a while, so he was surprised to see the notification on his phone. His heart did a little jump as he opened the message.
[Can we talk? I can’t stand this any more.]
And less than a minute later:
Taemin was slightly embarrassed to admit he didn’t spend that much time to consider before typing a reply. He probably should have. Let Jonghyun think he was angrier than he really was.
But who was he kidding? He missed the guy, and not just as a fuck buddy. Luckily he had enough sense not to type that. Instead he answered:
[Okay. I’ll wait until you get home.]
He usually didn’t wait up for Jonghyun to finish the Blue Night broadcast. He even rarely listened to the radio show, which Jonghyun had complained about once. “I can’t believe you’re missing the chance to listen to my deeply soothing, award-winning voice every night,” Jonghyun had said.
Taemin had left the door to their room ajar so he could hear it when Jonghyun arrived. He sat up straighter in bed when the coming-home noises reached his ears: the front door being unlocked, the door opening and closing, keys jangling, shoes falling with a soft thud. Slow, calm steps heading closer.
Taemin was determined to put on a strong front. Jonghyun had started all this, and Taemin wasn’t going to be the one to apologize first. He knew that if he played this right, using the maknae card in a reasonable way, he’d have the older man wrapped in his little finger and resolve the problem with not much of a dent to his dignity.
But any thought about strategy was scattered by the time Jonghyun appeared in the doorway. Taemin only had his bedside lamp on, and in the dim light the dark shadows under Jonghyun’s eyes appeared more pronounced, making him look thinner and older than he actually was. The expression on his face when he saw Taemin was a peculiar mix of sorrow and relief, and Taemin found himself rushing up to hold him, dignity be damned.
They fit perfectly in each other’s arms, Taemin thought with a sense of wonder, as he rubbed Jonghyun’s back with one hand and ran the other into his hair. “Taemin,” Jonghyun murmured over and over, pressing his face against Taemin’s neck. “Taemin, Taemin.”
Jonghyun smothered him with kisses, each more passionate than the last, on his lips, his jaw, the dip between his collarbones. “I’m so sorry,” Jonghyun whispered.
Taemin hushed him. “I know. It’s all right.”
Every piece of clothing between them was peeled off and tossed away by two pairs of eager hands, and soon Taemin was lying open and exposed in bed, Jonghyun positioned between his spread legs. After his deft fingers stretched Taemin enough, Jonghyun thrust in all the way, burying himself deep. Jonghyun’s lean muscles rippled under tanned skin as he moved, his gaze locked onto Taemin as if he wouldn’t, couldn’t look anywhere else.
“Hyung... please— nnnggh.” Taemin threw his head back against the sheets, his eyes screwed shut as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through his whole body every time Jonghyun hit that sweet spot inside of him, sliding in and out until Taemin thought he was going to burst. Until he could no longer tell where he ended and Jonghyun began.
Jonghyun couldn’t get enough of him. The silken skin, the fluid movements of his dancer’s hips, the way his plump lips parted as he poured out small ‘ah, ah’ sounds while Jonghyun pushed ever deeper into his tight heat.
He drove Jonghyun mad with desire, and Jonghyun thought he’d gone crazy indeed when Taemin moaned a string of barely coherent words as he fell apart, some of which Jonghyun recognized as ‘fuck’, ‘Jonghyun’, ‘love’, and ‘you’.
After Jonghyun came down from his own high and made half-hearted efforts at cleaning up the mess between them, he leaned on an elbow and pushed wet strands of hair from Taemin’s forehead to better gaze at the younger man. Taemin looked so brilliant, practically glowing as his chest rose and fell, his lashes fluttering against rosy cheeks.
“I might’ve heard it wrong,” Jonghyun said, “but did you say you love me?”
This. This was exactly what Taemin hated. The way Jonghyun curled up his lips in a grin that was half cocky, half cute. Or maybe it was cute because it was cocky. Either way, Taemin hated it. He had no defense against it.
Taemin looked away. “Just forget it.”
Jonghyun’s smirk faded. “What if I don’t want to forget it? Besides...” His voice turned softer as he caressed Taemin’s cheek with his thumb, “there’s a huge chance I love you too, you know.”
Blinking, Taemin’s eyes slowly met Jonghyun’s again. He licked his lips, uncertain. “I thought you don’t want this.”
“I didn’t. But feelings can change, and now I know for sure that I want you to be mine.” He pressed a tender kiss to Taemin’s nose. “Please be mine, Lee Taemin.”
He waited as Taemin drew a deep breath, one hand planted against Jonghyun’s chest. “No more being jealous of Jongin.”
Jonghyun scoffed. That EXO guy seemed less than a threat right now, a dude who could only howl and growl. “Fine. Is that a yes?”
A smile bloomed on Taemin’s lips, and Jonghyun was reminded once more of how Taemin was infinitely more beautiful than anyone else he knew. And Taemin was his. All his.